yeah. i'm a liar.
Rating: Overall NC-17. This section has a swear word.
Little bunny peace signs for: ranalore.
Summary: The beginning of a shifting relationship. Hot Korean boys. Sex. Dancing and some angry words. Not necessarily in that order. Not necessarily in each section.
One; Two; Three; Four; Five; Six; Seven; Eight; Nine; Ten; Eleven; Twelve; Thirteen; Fourteen; Fifteen; Sixteen; Seventeen; Eighteen; Nineteen; Twenty; Twenty-One; Twenty-Two; Twenty-Three; Twenty-Four; Twenty-Five; Twenty-Six; Twenty-Seven; Twenty-Eight
It wasn’t all wine and roses, Jaejoong saw that in the week after he and Yunho started their first steps together. For all of their promises to each other that they both understood it wasn’t going to be easy, the reality of that unease was clear now…so much more clearer. In the time since Yunho’s revelatory talk with Scarlet, the group had been driven to near exhaustion, their schedule filled to nearly every waking moment, running from interview to practice to vocal lessons, each encounter more demanding than the rest. That afternoon, in the dance studio, one of them finally broke… a temper rising and spilling out onto the others in a wave of frustration.
“You know better than that, Junsu. You are better than that.” Yunho turned after the other broke out of the step for the third time. “We do it again until you get it right.”
Rings of tired hung under Junsu’s eyes, dark bruises made stark against the pallor of his skin. Leaning over, his hands on his knees, Junsu panted from the effort of the fast-paced dancing, his ribs aching from trying to catch his breath. He’d stumbled more times than he cared to count, Yunho’s sharp eyes catching every missed movement, marking them off until his tolerance ran dry.
The leader demanded perfection of himself. He demanded no less from the others. Around them, the other three circled, walking off the cramping muscles and the weariness the whole group felt…with the possible exception of Yunho whose body was taut with impatience.
“Go to hell.” Junsu finally tilted his head up, staring at Yunho’s shocked face. Jaejoong stilled, his hand nearly reaching out to touch his lover’s back, a small gesture of reassurance not lost on the foul tempered singer. “Jaejoong has made much worse mistakes than me missing a step and you don’t say anything to him. Is that what I have to do to get you to leave me alone? Let you fuck me?”
Yoochun’s arm caught at Yunho’s body before the leader could reach Junsu, the other’s lesser weight giving little resistance against the irate Yunho’s strength. Changmin reached forward, stopped by Jaejoong stepping in tight against his lover, trying to calm Yunho down. Stronger than Micky, Yunho pushed at Yoochun’s shoulders, working nearly free as Jaejoong slid around to hold him from the other side, a delicate fey reproach for patience in his soft voice.
“Yunnie-ah.” Jae whispered. “We’re all tired. He’s tired. Please.”
That soft voice could always stop him, broken stained glass soldered together by sheer will. Yunho’s rage spilled out, washing free from his heart. He’d never been… focused so much on another human being…never had the keys to his soul held by someone …someone so delicately feral and strong it shattered his control. Yunho inhaled deeply, trying to keep from doing damage to Junsu’s weary body.
“You deal with him, Joongie.” Yunho’s face boiled with anger, a deep rage set into his bones. “I’m going to go walk this off. When I come back, I want an apology and for him to get the steps right.”
Changmin stood very still as the leader stalked off, the door to the studio slamming behind him. The mirrors rattled in their fixtures along the far wall, a terrifying creaking noise subsiding after a brief moment. Yoochun rubbed at his arm, crouching next to the bent over Junsu, his breath still panting from exertion. A few words from the taller singer made Junsu’s chest hitch, a sob stifled by his apology.
“I’m sorry, Joongie.” Junsu said, remorse tinting his words. “I didn’t mean to hurt...you…”
“Did the others go home?” Yunho glanced towards the shoes next to him on the stairs. More than an hour passed since his anger leeched off his mind, a slow burn simmering still under his words. The leader’s fists ached to punch through a wall or better yet, the face of the young man standing next to him.
The day had turned warm, despite the spattering of snow on the ground. With the tall glass walls surrounding the lower floor of the building, the side stairwell lay open to the view of the street outside, a welcome distraction for Yunho’s stoic simmering. He’d debating hunting out Jaejoong but knew that in his angered state, it would be turmoil visited upon the fragile feral singer he didn’t deserve.
“Yes.” Junsu sat down, keeping his body tensed in the case the much faster Yunho struck out at him. “I wanted to see how you were. And to apologize.”
“I’m not the one you should say sorry to.” Yunho’s ire peaked again, a thrum of jabs to the base of his skull. He’d never come more close to pulling off someone’s face before, more astonishing so that it was Junsu. “I would have killed you in there for what you said about…Joongie. I was that angry.”
“I spoke to Jaejoong. I told him I was very sorry.” Junsu sighed, wanting his words back, the stinging darts that seemed to fire off his tongue without a thought to them. “I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have…and I’m very sorry.”
“I’m just as hard on him as I am you.” Yunho found himself biting his lower lip, a smile at the assumption of his lover’s nervous habit. “More so, because I can’t let my love for him get in the way of the group. Joongie was very clear on that. Our…being lovers… being together… can’t get in the way of the five of us.”
“When you said that … those words… you said that we weren’t committed to you as much as we are to each other… Jaejoong and I. Is that what you think? Do you think that I’m not sharing how I love Jaejoong with the world because I am ashamed of him?” Yunho pressed in, turning his head slightly to stare down the younger man.
In the quiet dark of their bedroom, Yunho listened sullenly to Jaejoong’s pleas to protect the group from prying eyes…from harsh words, never expecting those words would be flung out from the inside. The leader still struggled with Jae’s want for privacy, knowing the tender singer wanted nothing more than his love and did not need any other’s approval to bless their union.
Yunho spoke finally, trying to find some common ground to stand on with the other singer. “We’re hiding ourselves for you…and the others. Is this how you repay Jaejoong’s sacrifice for you? Because I want to tell the world… I don’t care who knows that I love him. I hate that everyone thinks he’s single when he’s mine and no one else’s. So very much mine. Jaejoong is thinking of you three…caring for you in his silence.”
“I know…” The singer rubbed at his face, his fingers trembling as he attempted to wipe the weariness from his body, a futile effort. “I was wrong. It’s just been…”
“Hard.” Yunho finished for the other, resting his chin on his arms. Knees drawn up, heels balanced on the step below, Yunho sighed not wanting to give up so easily on his anger. “You’re not just tired from the schedule, are you? Are you angry at Jaejoong for something?”
“No. Jaejoong has been… nothing that I’m angry at is his fault. It’s all my anger.” The other slanted a glance at Yunho, wondering how much of his heart he should share. The leader of their troupe was often silently paternal, a stern figurehead that sometimes broke into a laughter that reminded them of his youth. Now, with his face recently set with the anger Yunho tried to stave off, Junsu was afraid to share anything, wondering if censure would follow. “I am asking you to forgive me, Yunnie. I can’t believe I even thought those words, much less said them.”
“As long as Jaejoong… never mind, I know Joongie forgave you. If he wasn’t angry enough to kill you right then, then he was never mad. He’s like a river flood, our Jaejoong. A flash of unforgiving water and then serene.” Yunho bit back his temper. Their lives became so complicated so quickly. One moment he was struggling to find his way and then the next, he was struggling to find his love amid the rise to a success he’d only dreamed of. In some ways, Junsu had it harder… much harder than he did. Jaejoong was a comfort now, a safe haven from the world that battered at them. There would be no such respite for the others. “Apology accepted.”
“Thank you.” Junsu sighed in relief. “I am sorry, Yunnie.”
He’d sat on the studio floor listening to the others tiptoe around Yunho’s anger, Jaejoong wanting to go out and find his lover, only stalled when Junsu asked him not to. The mess he created would have to be solved by his own words…not by Jaejoong’s soothing or Yoochun’s teasing. It had been difficult to firm up the tremors in his stomach when he’d spotted Yunho sitting on the side stairwell, the open aired spiral hidden behind plants and small walls. Junsu wanted Yunho’s approval and acceptance, something he’d nearly damaged beyond repair because of his own internal demons.
“I’ve been watching…in the middle of… this thing with you and Jaejoong. It’s been, rough on me sometimes. I’m not used to…” Junsu struggled to find the cause for his worry, all of his thoughts returning to the sight of Yoochun cuddling Jaejoong against his body, the bed heavy with the weight of their shared love.
“During all of it, I’ve hoped that you would… finally love Jaejoong…” Junsu let out a heavy breath, hot with words he’d left unspoken. “I was afraid that if you… didn’t want him, Yoochun would.”
“Chunnie? Why would Yoochun want him?” Yunho’s head jerked up in surprise, his face red with the embarrassment he’d felt…the jealousy in his gut when he’d seen his Jaejoong leaning towards Yoochun, intimate and whispering. “They’re friends…or better just be friends. Nothing more. Just like you are with Yoochun. He doesn’t love Joongie more than he loves you. You’re as much of his brother as Jae is.”
“It’s hard being there…watching their friendship…” The other singer admitted, leaning his head back and staring at the ceiling, finding the sparkles in the tiles…constellations unnamed above him. “I sometimes just want…I want more than a brother in Yoochun, Yunnie.”
A realization dawned on Yunho, the last few clocks of what Junsu was feeling in his heart, so much like his own before Jaejoong finally surrendered his body and soul. “You’re where I was… well, really…where Joongie was a few months ago? Wanting something …wanting someone…but not saying anything? I’ve seen you with Yoochun. Am I watching you struggle with wanting him and not knowing what to do. Or am I wrong? Is that what’s affecting you?”
“Yoochun is clueless.” Junsu sighed, resting his head against his own arms, mimicking his leader’s pose. “I let my frustrations with…that… affect what I saw with you and Jaejoong. I know. I can’t be more sorry.”
“Aish…” Yunho borrowed one of Yoochun’s favourite expressions, hissing the newly found frustration between his clenched teeth.. “I wish you luck then. At least between us, Jaejoong knew what he wanted and I was the one who had to come around. But I’m…”
“Passionate.” Junsu finished. “You are a man driven by your… feelings and acts upon them. Yoochun, he’s not as focused. And I’m not as…bold in my heart as Jaejoong. I don’t think we’re going to have a torrid love affair that will last in forever.”
“I will be the first one to tell you, Junsu.” Yunho stood, holding his hand out to the younger man. Taking it, Junsu allowed himself to be pulled up to his feet, finding forgiveness in Yunho’s gesture. “Never assume that you know what Fate has in store for you. She often proves you wrong.”
The apartment burst with noise when Junsu and Yunho opened the door, leaving their damp coats to hang in the foyer. Slipping his feet free of his shoes, Yunho went searching for the sloe-eyed singer his hands itched to touch. He found Jaejoong in the kitchen, leaning against the granite counter, one knee up as the flat of his bare foot rested against the cabinet door. He’d changed from the worn clothing he used during practice, a pair of low hipped jeans slung down below his waist. A borrowed t-shirt, one of Yunho’s favourites draped down over the singer’s body, a familiar hoodie over the light sage shirt, its sleeves pushed up nearly up to his elbows.
Yunho wrapped his arms around his lover, straddling Jae’s lean body with his long legs, pulling the singer in. Sucking on Jae’s lower lip, Yunho moved into a fuller kiss, forcing his tongue into Jae’s moistness, trying not to think of the whispers they’d shared in the cocoon of their bed. Yoochun clapped his hand on Junsu’s shoulders, looking for any bruises on the singer’s face where Yunho’s fist might have hit. Finding none, Micky grinned widely, offering Junsu a taste of the salmon they’d been left for dinner.
Changmin looked away, carrying the sight of Junsu’s smile as he turned around to get a bowl for their rice. A silver foil pan held steamed vegetables, still slightly holding their warmth despite the trip from the restaurant to the apartment in the delivery van. Small plastic tubs held a variety of pickled favourites, dark cucumbers nearly red with chili peppers splashing against the clear sides as Yoochun moved the container to the table.
“Do you want to eat that?” Yunho rested his chin on Jaejoong’s shoulder, listening to his lover’s breath hit the crook of his neck. The salmon looked appetizing, a rare treat of something delicious cooked by someone other than Jaejoong. “It looks good…not as good as you do…but nice.”
“We don’t have much else in the house.” Jaejoong whispered, his teeth brushing on Yunho’s cheekbone. His stomach growled, lunch being nothing more than a handful of almonds and breakfast eaten quickly left a solid block of rice in his stomach, chased down by a bitter cup of tea. “We stopped by and ordered this before we came home, asking them to bring it in. They just delivered it while I was in the shower.”
“You smell nice. I like sharing our soaps. I like knowing that my scent is on you.” Yunho turned his attention back to his lover’s face, resting his forehead against Jaejoong’s. “I want to eat you for dinner.”
“I wouldn’t make a very good meal.” Jaejoong laughed, his hands on Yunho’s hips. Their closeness felt right in his heart, even hidden behind walls, it filled him to satisfaction. Life would be complete as long as Yunho was with him. “You’re going to have to be satisfied with the salmon.”
“Boo, I was thinking that…if you weren’t too tired…” Yunho started to say.
Yoochun held up his hands, a sound of protest coming from the other two. “Aish! None of that. Not in front of the kids! We are traumatized by such talk!”
“Aish yourself.” Yunho rolled his eyes. Jaejoong covered his mouth, laughing and nearly breaking free of Yunho’s grip. “Ignore them, Joongie. I was thinking that if you were up to it, we could go get some dinner. Maybe go to a club. We don’t have to wake up early tomorrow.”
“What club?” Changmin perked up, teasing Yunho innocently. “It has to be something I can get into. I hate being too young.”
“Oh no.” Yunho pushed at Min with one hand, reluctantly letting Jaejoong spin away from him. Blushing, Jae tried to get some distance from the conversation, the singer’s bashful nature made him shy amid the others, the idea of the others knowing their intimacy shocking to his private soul. “You three are staying home. This is officially a date.”
Yoochun crowed, his head tilted back in a raucous of laughter. Junsu bent over, clapping and trying to keep his mirth beyond a level of hysteria. Changmin allowed himself to be pulled into the merriment, Su’s bump of shoulders sending him into Yoochun. Yunho shook his head in mock disgust, the sound of Jaejoong’s embarrassed laughter a delight to his ears.
“What do you say, Joongie-ah?” Yunho grabbed at the singer, pulling him back into a tight embrace. They rocked there for a moment, enjoying the feel of one another on their skin. He wanted to drag the singer into the back of the apartment, shutting the door behind them until the sun burned from the sky. “Will you go out with me?”
“Yes, Yunnie-ah.” Jaejoong schooled his face, licking at Yunho’s parted lips with a delicate slide of his tongue. “I will be glad to go out on a date with you. Right after you shower.”