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18 November 2006 @ 04:39 pm
So Much Mine  
Section Fourteen

Pairing: JaeHo
Rating: Overall NC-17. Naughty words at least.
All my Yoosu belongs to: ranalore
Summary: The beginning of a shifting relationship. Hot Korean boys. Sex. Dancing and some angry words. Not necessarily in that order. Not necessarily in each section.

Section One; Section Two; Section Three; Section Four; Section Five; Section Six; Section Seven; Section Eight; Section Nine; Section Ten; Section Eleven; Section Twelve, Section Thirteen


The sound of his key in the apartment door lock worked a nerve in Jaejoong’s forehead, a slight pounding of a headache threatening the edges of his vision. Sconces lit the outer hallway, a length of corridor wrapping around the side of the building, trapped behind frosted over glass. Letting himself through the door, Jae stood for a moment in the frame, girding up his strength to face Yunho inside. A sickness bloomed inside of his belly, the parasitical need for Yunho pressing against him.

“I’ll have to give everything up.” Jaejoong pondered his options. The group was truly the only thing he had left in his life. With his family still estranged, his world had become the other four, a support system that he never imagined he would be able to embrace. “I need to get some distance from him. This isn’t fair to the others…they shouldn’t have to live in the middle of this madness.”

Jaejoong was accustomed to madness, having drank deeply at its river, drenching his weary body in its water in the hopes of washing away some of his sins. His dream-shaken nights still held the faces of horror, leering faces of rough-faced men when he worked tables down in the Itaewon district, groping hands grabbing at his ass or crotch, hard fingers digging into tender flesh. Jae knew that touch…that creeping insidious feeling of another’s unwanted sweat on his skin and the thought sickened him. He didn’t want to give Yunho that sensation… didn’t want to press the young man with his attentions if Yunho truly did not want him…despite the confession of desire.

Jaejoong knew about desire…an intimate knowledge of singular want clouding the mind until everything became a kaleidoscope haze. His skin crawled with memories, both wicked and sinfully delightful. Jaejoong wanted Yunho’s hands to rub at the stains of others reaching for him, erasing the greasy fingerprints they left on his being. He’d never succumbed to any of the unwanted advances forced up on him… a few frightening instances when the singer believed that he would not survive the night unscathed and whole…perhaps not even surviving at all.

Now, on his feet and stumbling towards the dream that kept him awake at night, he saw another glimmer of happiness fading in the distance… the possibility that he would lose both the band and Yunho.

A soft ballad hummed through the living room, the lights down low, as if setting a twilight behind the clouded windows. Winter stormed outside, the snow picking up its fury. Walking into the kitchen, Jae noticed the vegetables he’d abandoned on the counter had been put away, the surfaces wiped down with a sponge and the chopping board draining on the wire rack. Someone…probably Yunho… washed and clean the knife, wiping it down and sliding it back into place in the block.

“I left the rice in the cooker.” Yunho startled Jaejoong, a slender strength leaning on the wall of the hallway towards their bedrooms. “It’s cold enough that the rice won’t go bad…I don’t think.”

“No. It should be fine, I think.” Jae agreed, his words stiff. The roller coaster ride of emotions left him too tired to fight, much too tired to even do anything other than sleep off the exhaustion riding his bones. Yunho standing there was too much of an obstacle for his aching blood and the singer wondered if he could make it past the young man without breaking down into a flood of tears.

You’ll be fine, Kim.” Jaejoong scolded himself, pulling on the steely grit he had in his soul. Just make it past the hallway and you can just fall asleep…leave all of this outside, behind you. Look at things tomorrow morning.

“If you’re looking for your things, they’re in the bedroom…our bedroom.” Yunho’s eyes closed as Jaejoong brushed past him, shoulders barely skimming one another.

The intensity of the singer’s body inflamed him, the scent of his musky skin thickening the softness between Yunho’s thighs. Cupped up against his body, his arousal twitched, a firming Yunho forced aside. If he was going to examine his feelings towards the lead vocalist, he would have to do so without the lust hovering in his throat, Jaejoong’s insistence for respect an echoing refrain in his ears.

“What? Why?” With a turn of his shoulder, Jaejoong looked back at the leader, his pretty mouth twisted with suspicion. There was a sulk on Yunho’s mouth, the remains of a sour expression washed clean with something… delicious, Jae thought. “Did Junsu say something to Yoochun? Are they…?”

“No, neither one of them said anything.” Yunho spun slowly, taking his time walking up to Jae. “It seemed like what was necessary… it was the right thing to do.”

“I need to talk to you Jaejoong.” He continued, his hands tucked deep into the pockets of his loose cotton pants. The emptiness of the apartment ricocheted the slightest sounds back onto them, Jae’s inhaled breath a loud inflammation of suspense. “Please, Joongie-ah… we need to talk about…us.”

“There is no us, Yunho.” With a cock of his head, Jaejoong glanced into the bedroom he’d shared with Changmin and the group’s leader. His cherished sweatshirt lay on the smooth sleek of his blankets, a grungy stained garment that held each beat of his heart. A graveyard of things lost to him, fabric ghosts haunting his life. “You had a choice…you made that choice.”

“You didn’t give me enough time.” Yunho suddenly was beside him, nearly inside of him. The air, warmed first by Yunho’s mouth, drifted into Jae’s lungs, the scent of the leader’s erotically flushed skin pushing into Jaejoong’s senses. “I… please, we need to sit down and talk.”

“Not in the bedroom. I haven’t decided if I’m staying in there with you.” Jaejoong turned away, trying to drive the image of himself under the leader’s exploring hands from his mind. “The living area, that should be fine to talk.”

Where others touched with gluttonous lust, Jaejoong ached for the simple exploration of a nubile lover’s tongue, a wet tip finding the rise on his throat, feeling the movement of his eyes beneath closed lids. Jae rubbed at his arms, trying to feel the remnants of Yunho’s touch on his forearms, the bruises left by angry fingers faded through the time they’d spent avoiding one another’s gaze.

Yunho followed Jaejoong, watching the predatorily sensual stalk of his long legs eat up the length of the hallway, moving quickly to escape the closeness of their bodies. His mind still fought a war…an epic battle of familial obligations and cultural stigmas. The only weapon his heart could arm itself with was the softness of Jaejoong’s lips and the sweet, adoring smile of coy sex wrapped around the singer’s angelic face. Yunho feared for his heart, forging onto a battlefield it was little prepared for, entering into a conflict that could destroy him forever.

“Do you want some tea?” Yunho asked, wondering if he could his hands steady enough to measure out leaves and fill the tea pot.

“No, thank you, Yunho.” A brittle politeness from Jaejoong. “It’s late. I don’t want anything but a shower and some sleep. Provided I can find my bed.”

Can I afford to lose this creature that shakes me? Can I lose you and keep everything else? Yunho asked of himself, the thoughts of his family’s disappointment in him strong in his mind. But can I afford to have this? What will doing this …wanting you…do to me?

His path in life was so simple, one etched in stone by centuries of a culture that prided itself on its elegance and dignity. Yunho had thrown over convention by turning his back on his parents’ desires to see him take up a more sedate life, one not ruled by hours of dancing and singing. His dreams led him to a spotlight on the stage, broad swaths of black-drenched arenas filled with the screams of people calling his name. Could he ask the people who nursed him into adulthood to turn their faces toward the pretty and wild Jaejoong, calling him son of their heart? Or was he too late to coax Jaejoong into giving him a single change to explore his affections.

Jaejoong worked himself down into the corner of the soft-sided crimson sofa, its throw pillows a riot of woven rainbows. The singer’s trim figure gleamed, a pure winter kiss on a sea of blood velvet. He’d shed the thick parka he wore, slung over the back of a side chair. The puffy down jacket held the perfume of the icy night, a black blueness that reminded Yunho of Jaejoong’s soft hair. A peek of the singer’s chest slid out from under his partially undone shirt, a string of pearl buttons unhooked from their holes. A faint inky purple belled the ridges of Jaejoong’s expressive eyes, ruins of sleep fallen on his pretty face.

It would be a sight that Yunho would carry with him forever, a snapshot of that moment in life when he would either know happiness or misery. He would be sure to remember…always remember the plumpness of Jaejoong’s mouth, a gift of sinful seduction on the package of demure innocence. Yunho sat down on the other end of the couch, wondering what to do with his hands.

They should be in his hair, wrapped around tight until his head is forced towards yours. Yunho’s darkness whispered, firming his awakening flesh. Will his mouth open wider if his head is leaned back? Would his tongue be moist against your own or does his mouth dry at the thought of you? Did he catch a snowflake in his mouth and will you still taste it there?

Concentrating, Yunho wiped his moist hands on his thighs, hoping the cotton would absorb his nervousness. Jae’s expression, hooded and wary, burned a stream of regret through Yunho’s guts. The tension in the other’s body was clear, any trust the leader might have had with Jaejoong now lay in the gutters of their arguments.

“I made the decision to move you back… put you back to where you belonged. No one else.” Yunho braced himself for the onslaught of Jaejoong’s anger at being manipulated into a corner. The lead singer wasn’t known for his tolerance of interference… a fierce streak of independence nearly as wide as his stubbornness.

“Why did you move my things back into the room? Suppose I don’t want to be moved?” Yunho’s words flattened Jaejoong’s apprehension, the singer working at the puzzle of the leader’s actions. He’d been expecting to come back to the apartment and find his things outside in the cold, a call on his cell phone from SM saying that he would be removed from the group’s dynamic. Never did Jaejoong imagine that he would return to his own private hell and discover his place near Yunho restored to him. “I’m trying to manage this… thing that’s between us. Being in that room… I can’t deal with it there.”

“I don’t want it managed. I don’t want it dealt with.” Yunho looked up from the contemplation of his own hands, his knuckles white from his fingers clutched tight on his knees. “I want it…explored. I want to see how you taste. Everywhere. Just a taste.”

“No.” A single word.. that final slicing cut to Yunho’s soul...slivered apart his grief…the final blow to his heart. “You want nothing more than… something moist to slide yourself into, leaving a wet sticky mess inside of my body. If I wanted that, I could get that anywhere…from anyone who didn’t mind that there was a cock between my legs.”

“That isn’t…” Yunho began, cut off when Jaejoong interrupted.

“I’m not some dirty hole you can get relief from, Yunho.” The singer’s coarseness, bred sharp and cunning from the years spent struggling on the street, welded a powerful punch to Yunho’s guts. “Every thrust you will give my body with your blunted cock or tongue will be a hot knife into me. Can’t you understand that? Can’t you just see that? Why do you have to be so selfish in your wants? Don’t I mean any small thing to you that you’d want me to survive you?”

“Let me finish…just hear me out.” The leader asked, shifting his body closer to the young singer, the couch cushions dimpling under his weight. His heart pounded hard, a thumping menace in his ears. “Just a few minutes…and then you can decide what you want to do. I promise I’ll live with anything you decide.”

“Alright, I’ll listen.” Jaejoong nodded once. He knew in the depths of his soul that the group’s leader would give him one final rejection but he wanted to hear Yunho’s words… perhaps a hint of a plea in that control.

“I found your hoodie when I packed your things from Yoochun’s room.” Yunho thought he saw a diminutive glimmer in Jaejoong’s face, hidden quickly behind his porcelain features. “I saw how grimy it was and wondered again why you kept it.”

“Then I dropped and when I went to pick it up, I noticed my name written on the tag, my mother’s lettering and that black marker she likes using so she knows whose clothes she’s folding.” The leader pressed in, Jaejoong’s body curling tighter in on itself. The young singer pulled up his long legs, hands wrapped around his ankle bones as he leaned into his thighs.

“That jacket was mine. All this time I thought you were just… carting around something that was long past its use because you don’t want to throw anything away. Because you hoard things around you, like a tiny dragon puffing up his territory and hoping no larger dragon will steal your treasures.” Yunho found the back of Jaejoong’s wrist with the tip of his finger, running a light touch on the bump of bone there. “Tell me that you weren’t… tell me that you didn’t keep that because it was mine. Tell me you only wanted it because it was…comfortable or warm…”

“Why do you have to dig into my tears?” Jaejoong hiccupped, gritting his teeth together. “I’ve already told you that I feel for you. How much more do you need, Yunho?”

“I need to know why you didn’t throw that sweat shirt away…after the studio…why didn’t you toss it in the trash like I threw your feelings aside?” Yunho asked, his breath a whispering touch on Jaejoong’s exposed neck.

They nearly were sitting on top of each other, Jaejoong was sure of it despite his seemingly rapt attention on the glass table in front of the couch. Yunho’s persistence wore at him, the feral resolve that gave him strength easily sliding off to the side in response to the leader’s heady presence.

“Because…” Jae stammered, unwilling to give another piece of himself. There were only tatters left, a stitched together rag doll of a broken boy. Each limb dragged heavy, weighted by the rocks tied there by others’ disappointments. Jae thought there was nothing that could compare to the yearning aloneness he experienced crawling through the streets in the hopes of reaching his dreams.

Jaejoong could deny Yunho nothing. If the leader asked him to pull a dull razor across the tender skin of his inner wrist just to quench Yunho’s thirst, Jae would do so without question, even squeezing at his dripping arm to sate the young man’s wishes. What more could his addiction want from him? What else could Yunho seize from his soul? An undertone of craving spoke for Jae, a hooked sibilant sting.

“I couldn’t… get rid of it. It would kill me…there’s so little of you that I can touch.” Jae shuttered his eyes tight, closing the world out behind a veil of greyed-in submission. “You are my temptation. You’ll be my downfall. When they cut me open and find the remains of my burnt heart, it will hold the image of your face in the sear.”

“Ah, Jaejoong…” Yunho’s hands finally rose, cupping at the back of the singer’s head. That touch shuddered Jae’s shoulders, the torment of Yunho’s fingers on him. Yunho’s cheek pressed in on Jae’s forehead, turning to brush a lingering kiss along Jaejoong’s jaw line. “If I am your temptation then you’re…my sin. I want to drink from that mouth and taste heaven. If there’s any sign of God on this world, it’s in your mouth… your body…your eyes.”

“You said you wanted me out from under your skin…” Jae continued, his mind breaking with Yunho’s touch. He briefly wondered why insanity tasted like soiled blood on his hungry soul. Jae’s throat found his voice again, straining and struggling to find some sense.

“I do.” Yunho admitted, his fingers gripping Jae’s black hair as the other attempted to shove away. “No! Stay and listen to me.”

“This isn’t easy for me…not as easy as it is for you.” The group’s leader said. “I don’t know where you find the strength or courage to turn your back on everything that we’ve been expected to do in our lives. I struggle with wanting you because I know that you’ll undo my convictions… you’ll slither into my life with that rolling, sexy walk of yours and I won’t be able to explain you to my family…or why I would need to love a man.”

“It’s easy for me to turn my back because there’s no one there for me, Yunnie-ah.” Jae chewed on his lip, pulling the flesh along the sharpness of his lower teeth. “My family… knows how I… my father has known for quite some time. My family does not want the only son they had. I left for my dreams…but also because I couldn’t live there any more. The day that my father found… my perversion… he called it… he told me that I would never wake up among family again. Certainly not his own.”

“All he could say was that I was an evil cursing his blood.” Jaejoong looked up, his chin brushing Yunho’s cheek. “You’ve seen them here… uncomfortable and wondering if I have seduced any of you, turning you into a useless horror that your family won’t be able to look at without throwing up in disgust.”

“They love you.” Yunho shook his head against Jae’s words. “I’ve seen your mother touch your face. They both love you so much.”

“They love the son they have in their hearts…not the son that lives in the world. Maybe one day, that son can be one person but that is something that they have to do themselves. I can’t change that for them.” Jae corrected. “I know what you would lose. That’s why I don’t…don’t bother you. I’m not asking you to love me, Yunho. I told you that.”

“But I am asking you to not use me to slake your desires. I feel too much for you. It would be a torture that I couldn’t stand.” Jaejoong said, the edges of Yunho’s hair brushing his mouth. How easy it would be to nibble on the coarse ends, biting off small bits of the leader’s locks and swallow them, a stagnant, barren stone resting inside of him. It would be the closest he would be to sliding Yunho into his throat, convulsing around the young man’s flesh until it spilled past his tongue, choking him with the saltiness of his seed.

Jaejoong denied himself the taste, wishing the torment of Yunho’s closeness would end.

“And see, Joongie-ah…” Yunho’s finger found the edge of Jae’s chin, gently lifting his face from its burrow of hair. “I’m asking you to give me the chance to… explore how I feel and if I can find the courage to face those rejections. I can’t promise you that I’ll be strong enough. I just can’t. You’ve made me discover that I’m not as strong as I thought I was.”

“I have to try, Jaejoong.” Yunho’s thumb pushed down on the soft velvet of Jae’s mouth, finding the moist triangle divot on his lower lip. His lips found the edges of Jaejoong’s, the tip of his tongue darting into the corners.

The hell in his turmoil became a sweet heaven under Jaejoong’s parted mouth, his chin canted up as Yunho pushed forward with his affection. Everything became clearer in that sole drugged sip of Jaejoong’s kiss. The world shrunk down, a damp wetness filled with mysteries Yunho’s being begged to explore.

The young man’s teeth raked across Yunho’s investigating tongue, the leader’s curiosity leading him to the lick at the back of the pearled enamel. Jaejoong’s ardor flared, passion moving his senses and drowning him the other man’s savouring taste. A nibble on Yunho’s mouth burled another onslaught on Jae’s mouth, their tongues mingling and twisting, a Jörmungandr welded together in the heat of their desires.

Jaejoong’s lungs exhausted its reserves before his want was sated. Pulling back, his head held captive by Yunho’s clenched fists in his hair, the singer placed a firm hand on the leader’s chest. His own body heaved with the effort of drawing away, the brush of his fingers finding the length of steeled flesh beneath the cotton of Yunho’s pants.

The touch of the other’s hard flesh shocked Jaejoong, never having touched another man’s desire.. just his own in the safety of a steaming shower or the subterfuge of a heavy blanket in the depths of night when the others breathed slowly in slumber.

“I just wanted a taste… even if you walk away from me right now…” Yunho’s words were an echoing refrain of a snowed in pain, the remains of a devastation he’d wrought on the man under his hands. “It will take time…I know it will take time for me to show you that I’m speaking the truth. But please… I’m asking you to give me that chance…even if I can’t… give you everything that you want and need. “

“I can’t promise you anything.” Yunho slowly released Jaejoong from his grip, rubbing at the rent in his hair, smoothing down the stygian silken tresses. “My every instinct says that this is wrong between us…and that if that wrong is too much for me to bear… I will have to walk away. I can’t risk losing myself in you, Jaejoong. I have too many people who depend on me. The sin of you will test me but I want to try to withstand it. To learn if I have it in me to want you…to maybe love you.”

Jaejoong held himself in, the ashen corpse of his love resurrected with a single kiss, a prince breeching the walls of the stone castle he’d erected around himself. Yunho promised nothing…could offer him nothing other than heart ache and the ache of lost dreams.

Swallowing Yunho’s kiss, Jaejoong pulled himself free of the other’s heat, finding some much needed equilibrium. Committing to the madness raging in his soul and heart, Jaejoong found his mouth shaping the one word he knew in the depths of his own insanity that he would eventually regret.

A fury of longing battered at Jae, a tempest he could no longer fight against. Still, there would be conditions to this, a negotiation of his willingness to splay himself open to the young man. A push off the couch lengthened the distance he needed from Yunho, searching for any air not already touched by the siren of the Yunho's body. “You are more than my temptation... so damned much more. You'll be the death of me but... yes, I'll give you that. But I won't promise you another if you turn away from me in this and I will kill you if you try after this. You only get one chance to break my heart. No more.”
 
 
``크리시``kroongho on November 19th, 2006 12:43 am (UTC)
sdfghsdjfhlk
``크리시``kroongho on November 19th, 2006 12:43 am (UTC)
This is surely a first. XD I shall come back with a... proper review.
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 12:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kroongho on November 19th, 2006 01:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
masochistx3masochistx3 on November 19th, 2006 12:58 am (UTC)
ahhh! i love this story and i love you :D

Fantastic work! :D even thought i can't spell it for shittt X]

wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 01:12 am (UTC)
♥♥ thank you for reading along! ♥♥ i appreciate it. i hope you like it and continue to follow along.
(no subject) - masochistx3 on November 19th, 2006 01:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
Naru-chanuchihanaruto on November 19th, 2006 01:03 am (UTC)
I love this chapter soooooo much! Yunho and Jae finally together... x.x

“No, thank you, hyung.” A brittle politeness from Jaejoong.
Jaejoong called Yunho hyung...? ^^;;
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 01:13 am (UTC)
yeah, i meant to delete that hyung.

and they're not quite together!
(no subject) - uchihanaruto on November 19th, 2006 01:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 01:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - uchihanaruto on November 19th, 2006 01:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 01:21 am (UTC)
♥♥♥♥ thank you! it will be a journey still ::::Grins::: we'll see how it goes.

thank you for reading! and commenting!
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 01:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
downlove on November 19th, 2006 01:29 am (UTC)
Thank you so much.Its really beautiful and your a such good writer.Hope this story has a happy ending.
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:17 am (UTC)
♥♥♥ thank you! ♥♥♥ i hope it has a happy ending too! it probably will :D
&irene;: jae-wonderalready on November 19th, 2006 01:34 am (UTC)
OMG!! chapter 14! i heart you!

this sentence:
“I couldn’t… get rid of it. It would kill me…there’s so little of you that I can touch.”
the depth of jaejoong's love is so ... heart wrenching to read.

somehow i cant really blame yunho for being selfish and the strange part of me reluctant for jae for taking the risk. he cried too much already i feel for him. congrats, you just made me realise that i love jae more than i love jaeho now ^_____^
*keeps reminding self that this is a jaeho fic (and this is a jaeho comm) so she should be rooting them to be together*
okay i'm not making sense.. i will come back and edit my incoherent review.
thanks for the chap! it was lovely and at the same time makes me scared as hell to read what's next to come XD
&irene;already on November 19th, 2006 05:05 am (UTC)
i re-read this chap 3 times and still felt that tug on my chest after reading that sentence i quoted. love the intensity that is jaejoong in your fic.

and boy the last sentence keeled me >.<;;
yes i'm scared to read whats next to come in the next chaps. gah i feel like a moth now.

i h8 you for making me feel illiterate after reading your descriptions, i really do ^___^
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 08:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - already on November 19th, 2006 09:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 05:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
riviera_cacharel: jj prague1rivieracacharel on November 19th, 2006 01:37 am (UTC)
I have been reading this for some time now

I wanted to comment on the previous chapters ,but for some reason
LJ refused to let me post =_= .....

So i just wanted to say :
I have read many jaeho fics but there are only 2 yours being the 2nd ,in wich i have seen someone portray jaejoong as he is.

A deep and complex man ,hard to read and yet he is not
He's not just a pretty uke boy who will
gravel at yunho's feet becuz he has no identitie of his own .

And that is a very good thing ,i wish more ppl would do that
(although it does depend on the writer)

Yes jae is exceptionally gorgeous for a man to the point were he could give any woman a run for their money ,but jae is still ( thank god) a MAN

eh , so yes it pleases me to read him as someone who still has a mind of his own even when he is torn apart by grief and sadness

(eh vague i know)
-----

As for this chapter ,IT'S ABOUT TIME YUNHO STOPPED BEING A FOOL !!
excuse the caps ,but i have been waithing for the moment were yunho
would just say something anything.

There are times when i read the emotions that each of them go true
and it breaks my hearts to ''see'' them suffer so badly internal

I ....really feel bad for jae ,he is very hurt ..
Makes me wanna hold and comfort him ,and smack ho for doing that to him ,bad yunho

But it's a story i've gotta remember that
But is's a very GOOD story

*end of my ramble* ^^;
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:24 am (UTC)
♥♥♥ thank you for your ramble! ♥♥♥ i do appreciate it. i am glad that you like my characterization of jae. and yunho is...well... trying to become something else. trying to grow. i hope you continue to enjoy it :)

thank you very much!
heartjoong on November 19th, 2006 01:41 am (UTC)
YESYEYSS!!
heartjoong on November 19th, 2006 02:24 am (UTC)
OMG. WOOT. Now they cna start to rpcess into being a couple.... i hop yunho's parents are okay wid dis ><" GAH~ dat was so hawt. and realistic again *angel face* i can actually see this scene happenng in reality you know? to lik JaeHo. but i dun want jae to go into so much depression T_T

<33 i lvoe you 8D another wondeful chapter by yoU!! ^^ <33333
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
bellasurus on November 19th, 2006 01:43 am (UTC)
AHHHHHHHH I WAS WATCHING VACATION AND MISSED THIS NYAAA!
``크리시``kroongho on November 19th, 2006 01:46 am (UTC)
sfghsdfkg I ENVY YOU!! I WANT TO WATCH VACATION TOO. ;_;
(no subject) - bellasurus on November 19th, 2006 01:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - bellasurus on November 19th, 2006 02:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
velcro_undies on November 19th, 2006 02:00 am (UTC)
Oh my god, this is so intense! I literally could not breathe throughout the last part. Jaejoong is so wild on the inside, so passionately emotional. And he's very aware of that fact, as well. I also love this Yunho, being driven insane with forbidden lust, because I actually see the real Jaejoong as being able to have that effect on men. He's so wickedly seductive. You are amazingly good at portraying these intimate feelings. It's painful *and* super erotic at the same time.
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:37 am (UTC)
why thank you! ♥♥♥♥ that last part was tricky. it needed a fine balance and i squinted at it a few times before getting the final words i liked.

both are very passionate characters... :) and yes, while painful, i hope they'll also be erotically alluring :)

thank you for reading! i hope you like the follow on pieces.
아리사hosoi_koe on November 19th, 2006 02:05 am (UTC)
AGH.

Amazing, just beautiful. Your words are so strong, and I am excited for this to continue

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:38 am (UTC)
♥♥♥♥♥♥ in return!

thank you! i am glad you liked it and found the story exciting :) i hope to keep it up to the end. :)

and i'm also happy you found it beautiful, thank you.
helloviola on November 19th, 2006 02:32 am (UTC)
I'm unsure whether to laugh or cry, this chapter killed me *.* There are so many little things and descriptions that I loved so much and I can't even write a proper review because I can't think straight. Where do think up with everything? Where does your inspiration come from?
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:46 am (UTC)
wow... ♥♥♥♥ thank you!

where do i think up everything?

wow.. hard question. i really just sort of sit here and imagine what i would think these people would do...what they would say and what would be around them. it's kind of like a movie... i slow down what i want to see and describe it...sometimes changing small things if the first "cut" didn't fit. but pretty much what i post is about 95% of the original write.

where does my inspiration come from? well, have you seen jaejoong? ::::grins::: i think my first inspiration would have been that hugging possessive yunho blocking the photographer's view of a semi-shy jaejoong... being rocked. small things.. small images. just keeping in mind of how they look helps.

and i try to see...to imagine WHO they are...and how they would react. and what obstacles they would have to face by being together. that really is a large part of this fic.. i wanted there to be a reality to the piece. so hopefully i pulled some of that off.

i hope that helps ! ♥♥♥♥ thank you again for reading the story! i appreciate it so much.
it's Bri, yo!helzfyah on November 19th, 2006 02:36 am (UTC)
I love this. I love how Yunho knows he cares for jae, but at the same time he is a big celebrity and in his society their relationship would never be accepted. And he wants to be the dutiful Korean son, but then there's this... man, who's gotten into his blood and that pushes against all his boundaries...

Gah. I think that that is one of my fave parts of this story.

And then Jae - yes, he's accepted who he is, but in so doing he's distanced himself from his entire family. And then, those vague allusions to his life pre-DBSK (i am actually planning to write a fic on that, sometime).

You touch on two things I always consider when i think of the possibility of JaeHo.

This story is so dark, but beautiful at the same time. Your descriptions have me in awe, and your dialogue - the formality of it got to me at first, but now it makes sense, and adds so much to the ambiance of the story.

You only get one chance to break my heart. No more.

Love.
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:49 am (UTC)
♥♥♥♥ thank you!

the darkness is something that i consider when writing this. that part of life that is enticing but at the same time...so very dangerous to be around :)

my dialogue does tend to be formal in this not because of the "timeline" when it was written but because of the flavour of the piece. i just sort of write what i feel... :) and sometimes it's silly and other times, it's more... formal :)

thank you for writing and liking this! i appreciate it! i hope you continue to like the story as it goes along! ♥♥
주황 여자: yunjaekahel_luna on November 19th, 2006 02:48 am (UTC)
waking up at the right moment despite the deprivation of much needed rest, has never been this timely and good. *pats self and her timely body clock*

i've never read something that describes a kiss bordering on lust, want and fear, hesitation so perfectly. i dunno how they managed to pull back in the end for a finite resolution on how to deal with their situation.

Yunho's need is pushing, selfish and greedy, it shall drive Jae to his limits. I'd just hope he'd have the sense and heart to hold his hand when he needs it most.

i always look forward for this fic, but i can't explain how much i look forward on how you will write their exploration. ♥
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:52 am (UTC)
♥♥♥♥ jae just ran out of breath! :::Grins::: it happens when you forget to breathe. he just couldn't breathe. :) ♥♥♥♥

thank you... for all the kind words. i do thank you for that.

i am glad the kiss struck you that way. it was how i wanted it captured. :D yunho will... well, this will be a jaeho. i promise :D

thank you for reading! hope you like the rest of the story.
blumisterie on November 19th, 2006 03:49 am (UTC)
Gah! YunHo, finally! And why would he think he wouldn't have the strenght? He's got JaeJae there with him--that should make him strong enough! *LoL* I'm so cheesy!

But OMG, I'm so addicted to reading this. And Jae explaining the significance of the sweater--I just DIED! His love for YunHo is so heartbreaking--and YunHo...well, YunHo's just heartbreaking all on his own!

Can't wait for the next chapter! :-D
wedspawn ♥wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 07:58 am (UTC)
♥♥♥ cheesy is good! ♥♥♥ some day they'll be that strong together without doubts.

i am glad you liked it! that sweatshirt! i've been dragging that thing around with me for the whole story! it was supposed to come out a few sections ago and nope, it didn't wanna come. so here it decided to finally trot itself out.

there is love there.. it's just crumpled :)

thank you for reading. i keep typing that...but i mean it! thank you! ♥
(no subject) - blumisterie on November 19th, 2006 10:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - wedspawn on November 19th, 2006 05:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)